So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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