True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She's the barista slut.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
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