So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
