if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
