Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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