i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
