he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
