you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
