I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
