she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
