All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
