i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I believe in your delicious
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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