She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
