Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Shame - the story of my life.
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