somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
