My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
