I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
