All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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