No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
