i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
