Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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