I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
