shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Life is so much better after having sex.
sarcasm needs its own font
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
