the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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