Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
