i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
