Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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