Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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