Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
