so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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