You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Can you repeat that, but with context?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
