god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
