I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The air was thick with penises
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I touched a dick in church today
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
