Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
