She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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