as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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