batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
