he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
