Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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