so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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