i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
