literally had 100 drinks last night.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
