tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
