Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
