ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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