She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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