im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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