apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
