Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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