Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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