She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Im part way to drunk.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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