Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
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