but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
