3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Operation Purity has been aborted
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
