Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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